In the future we'll all be gay
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
