Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
