I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
