Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
