So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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