the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
