I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
