he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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