are you still at the devil's house?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
