I think im going to throw up on grandma
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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