Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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