drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
