My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize