i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
