Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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