the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
