dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
