She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
