come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
