how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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