Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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