I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
