my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I skipped work to stalk him.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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