this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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