What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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