She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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