Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
