I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Be still, my beating vagina.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
