Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
