I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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