this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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