Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
