so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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