the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
