my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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