I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
