what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
