I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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