I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
