If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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