great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
