I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
