There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
