I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i was born a porn star she said
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
