Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
