Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize