When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
