i barfeds in our rink
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
