And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
