Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
