so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
