Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
