I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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