Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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