My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
