im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My hand turned me down
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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