like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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