Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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