Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
