she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
