so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
