You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
