Pappa wants mamma naked
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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