Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
