so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
