FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please don't give away my fajitas
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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