cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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