I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
