Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
