fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
