Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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