Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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