So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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