Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
