i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
