I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
