your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
