If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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