Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
