Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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