guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
