Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
