whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
