Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
