well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
