We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
