im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
