I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
