Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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