Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
