I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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