Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sarcasm needs its own font
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
