you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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