dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
