I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
