he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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